Why I do Theatre

Tonight we finished another show. Fantastic show, sold out seats. I found myself backstage at one point just sitting back and watching people, and thinking about what is is that makes me want to do this.. What is it that gets me to that audition where I literally shake with nerves? Why do I make this commitment to practice night after night? Why do I put myself through long boring tech rehearsals where the air conditioning breaks, and my make up is melting off? This summer alone I have spent most evenings learning songs, blocking, trying Russian accents, making props,  and wedding veils. This summer alone I have missed out on time with my family and trips to the beach, all for the show. Why? 

After a lot of thought...here is why.

I do all of this because when I'm standing on stage with blinding lights in my face, and I am singing my heart out; I get the most amazing feeling. It's not the feeling that I am so stinking amazing, and everyone loves me. It's the feeling that I am part of something amazing. I am part of something.. special. This "family" has come together, and created something unique to us, that people enjoy to watch. It feels good to be good at something, and it feels good to be around other people who "get" that.

My amazing friends that I get to work with :)

Every single person on stage is there because they want to, they love to. Everyone has their reason to be there. Maybe they are there because they have dreams of being on Broadway. Maybe they got talked into it for some reason. Maybe they go because they need to get away from their family. Maybe they are just curious about what it is like. For me, theatre is my time to be "me". Its the time where, for those few hours, I am not a mother, busy cooking dinner and playing "dance show". I am not a teacher, writing lesson plans and grading papers. I am not worrying about my husbands job, or my family's problems. I can just be me. I can just escape all the demands and worries in life. Don't we all look for that "escape"? It's the time where I get to be "me", but I also escape me, and become someone newI think in  doing this, creating this other reality, it actually helps me understand and appreciate my own actual reality. It gives me perspective, and helps me deepen my understanding of what it means to be human.

Besides all that deep stuff, I also do it because it is fun! I feel like I am a kid again, playing with my friends. We laugh every single show. We laugh when I forget to take the black make-up off from the previous scene, and it looks like I have sideburns. We laugh when that guy says that line that sounds ridiculous every single time. We laugh when the fog machine leaks and we slip and fall (ok, that was more scary). We laugh when I get hit in the head with the backdrop, or I wack an orchestra member with my cane as I walk by. It's FUN! It's hilarious, actually.

At the end of the night when we smell like a middle school locker, and we're all talking about who forgot which line, or which prop went missing, we all are completely exhausted. We all come back because, after all is said and done, it was all worth it. 

Milburn Day with Mommy

Today Olive had a day with Mama, and I swear, it was fabulous. It was a wonderful 65 degrees with clouds and blue skies. We went over to Milburn Orchards, and just spent the day exploring. Fall is in the air, and pumpkins were everywhere!

She had a blast just taking her time, and doing whatever she wanted. It was just nice to slow down, and enjoy nature. My favorite thing was, we just happened to witness a mama goat GIVING BIRTH. We were just casually feeding the goats when I noticed something strange hanging out of one of them- AH! It was a BABY! We sat and watched this amazing birth. We watched this slimy goat fall to the ground, and the mama lick up all the goop. The baby was wobbly and had a hard time standing at first, but after a few minutes it was walking. An hour later it was climbing up the see-saw. I just thought it was so amazing. Olive was asking about why gross babies come out of the goat butt...... hahaha

She loved getting her face painted, playing gourd golf, playing in the bouncy house, and we even went in the haunted house (for about 2 minutes....) At lunch, we were sitting side by side at a picnic table eating peacefully, sharing a corn on the cob, and maybe telling a few poop jokes... I hugged her and said "oh, Olive I just love you so much". She grabbed my hand and said "Mama I love you so much too". I swear, right there.... One of my single favorite moments.

I think she went down this slide 20 times.

Sitting "Criss Cross Apple Sauce"

She was a baby spider that just climbed up the web.

After that we went and picked raspberries and grapes from the vine. She ran up and down the aisles, trying to sneek in another berry before I told her to put it in the basket. On the car ride home she enjoyed a fresh made apple cider doughnut.

Super SNEAKY face...... 

"I can put it in the box, or maybe just eat it..."

Mom, you stay over there and dont watch me....

It's just a wonderful day with the most amazing 3 year old. I love her beyond words.

My Heart Is Happy

"Daddy, can you maybe make a swing for me?" A sweet question, that started a project for Adam. He hand carved the swing seat. Evenings have been spend sanding, carving, drilling, staining, painting..... The rope was ready to go, and today the swing finished. After Olive's nap, he told her he had a surprise for her. He took her out and showed it to her. He pushed her, and pushed her. She told him to stop because she wanted to "pump it" with her legs. After all was said and done she said "I love my swing.... My heart is happy now".... (no joke, she said that.)

These are the little things in life that make MY heart happy. Her daddy and I love her so much. Maybe one day this swing seat will be hanging in her dorm room next to one of these pictures of her and her sweet daddy.

This is living.

Hi. My name is Mimi.

I started working, and it sort of shocks me how much I am liking it. I chose to not work for the first 2 years, and stayed at home with Olive, full time. Being a full time, stay at home mom is exhausting. It's wonderful, and it's horrible at the same time. It's stressful, and boring. It's rewarding and monotonous. I think for everyone, motherhood feels different. Some people LOVE staying home all the time and spending every waking hour with their children. Some people LOVE going to work, and cant imagine staying home at all. I think all feelings are valid, and there is no one way to be a mom.

For me, I really am glad I could stay home with her. I loved SO many wonderful times during the first 2 years, and don't regret staying home. It wasn't until after Olive turned 2 that things changed for me. I started to feel like I was going crazy. I just felt... bored, and guilty for not feeling "blessed" to be at home. I looked around at all the other SAHM's that really seem to have it all together. Everyone else seemed so much "better" at it than I was. They all seemed to care more about organizing their homes, and having cute projects and wall art. I just felt bored. Play-dates with other random moms became awkward to me, and I just couldn't relate anymore. I felt constantly guilty about how much TV time she gets, how many goldfish she eats, and how I didn't take her to yoga, and teach her sign language. Is that cup BPA free? Is that organic fruit? Is her mattress giving off poisonous fumes? Am I doing this RIGHT?!  I felt SO much weird external "mom pressure" that always left me feeling confused and inadequate.

Somewhere along the way I lost me...I was SO used to my entire WORLD revolving around her needs, that I forgot what it felt like to have my own needs. What DO I need? Apparently, I need to be busy, to feel important, to have structure, and to feel "good" at what I do. I've now learned this about myself. Now, I wake up early, blow dry my hair, put on make-up and TIGHTS, grab my coffee, my packed meals, and work all day. When work is over, I am SO stinking excited to hold and hug Olive, that I rush to get her. I pretty much hug and kiss and play with her the rest of the day. I don't WANT to put her to bed. I kiss her, I listen to her.  I am better this way.

Not to say I don't miss her all day long deep in my heart, and I could probably cry any given moment if I think hard about it, because Im sure I could. And, I KNOW that there will be hard times in the future that I will wish nothing more than to be home for 4 days straight. But, I also know she enjoys she structure, the socialization, the chocolate milk... and I enjoy feeling like myself again. This time though, "myself" is a mom, and being a mom is my favorite part of life. I'm happy that I can feel like a "good mom" again. I can let go now of all that bullshit that I bought into as being "important", and find that, in the end, a happy and healthy mom is a gift I can give my most loved ones.

Hi, my name is Mimi. Nice to see you again.

Part Two- Holidays with the Wallaces!

Christmas Morning we drove from my parents house to Adam's parents house in Aptos. She was SO excited to see "Grandma Tiger" and "Papa Bob"! She had the most amazing fun opening more presents! Grandma set up such a cute little bed for her (complete with a Frozen blanket). Our visit with them was full of so many fun activities! She even let grandma braid her hair!

One of Olive's favorite things we did was visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium. She LOVED it there! It was so stinking crowded there, but we managed to see all the animals! She would SQUEAL while watching the otters play! She loved watching them swing from a dangling rope, and hide in big buckets. She loved them! She also loved the penguins, and still talks about them. I'm so glad she got to share this experience with her grandma!

She was tired by the end of the day, but I had to get this picture! :)

She also got to meet her new baby cousin, Madison! At that point she was like six weeks old, and she's absolutely adorable!!! We held and cuddled with her and enjoyed visiting with her and Aunt Erin and Uncle Kyle! She remembered Erin from July, when she came to visit, and she was thrilled to see her! Olive is already looking forward to next Christmas when she can play with her baby cousin again!

Proud Auntie Mimi with Beautiful Madison!

Reading stories with Erin!

We also got to take Olive to the Redwoods! We went to Henry Cowell park, which is minutes from the High School where Adam and I met, and Roaring camp. It was a little chilly out that day, but we really enjoyed the nice walk through the redwoods with our "fairy" daughter. She ran through the forest, climbed on the trees, and enjoyed the whole day. It's just amazing watching her see all these things for the first time. She was a little scared because she thought the "tree caves" might have bears....

In the end, we had an amazing trip! It was so nice seeing our families and spending time with each one of them! Olive still asks on a daily basis when we are going back! Hopefully, it will be this year!!