Hi. My name is Mimi.

I started working, and it sort of shocks me how much I am liking it. I chose to not work for the first 2 years, and stayed at home with Olive, full time. Being a full time, stay at home mom is exhausting. It's wonderful, and it's horrible at the same time. It's stressful, and boring. It's rewarding and monotonous. I think for everyone, motherhood feels different. Some people LOVE staying home all the time and spending every waking hour with their children. Some people LOVE going to work, and cant imagine staying home at all. I think all feelings are valid, and there is no one way to be a mom.

For me, I really am glad I could stay home with her. I loved SO many wonderful times during the first 2 years, and don't regret staying home. It wasn't until after Olive turned 2 that things changed for me. I started to feel like I was going crazy. I just felt... bored, and guilty for not feeling "blessed" to be at home. I looked around at all the other SAHM's that really seem to have it all together. Everyone else seemed so much "better" at it than I was. They all seemed to care more about organizing their homes, and having cute projects and wall art. I just felt bored. Play-dates with other random moms became awkward to me, and I just couldn't relate anymore. I felt constantly guilty about how much TV time she gets, how many goldfish she eats, and how I didn't take her to yoga, and teach her sign language. Is that cup BPA free? Is that organic fruit? Is her mattress giving off poisonous fumes? Am I doing this RIGHT?!  I felt SO much weird external "mom pressure" that always left me feeling confused and inadequate.

Somewhere along the way I lost me...I was SO used to my entire WORLD revolving around her needs, that I forgot what it felt like to have my own needs. What DO I need? Apparently, I need to be busy, to feel important, to have structure, and to feel "good" at what I do. I've now learned this about myself. Now, I wake up early, blow dry my hair, put on make-up and TIGHTS, grab my coffee, my packed meals, and work all day. When work is over, I am SO stinking excited to hold and hug Olive, that I rush to get her. I pretty much hug and kiss and play with her the rest of the day. I don't WANT to put her to bed. I kiss her, I listen to her.  I am better this way.

Not to say I don't miss her all day long deep in my heart, and I could probably cry any given moment if I think hard about it, because Im sure I could. And, I KNOW that there will be hard times in the future that I will wish nothing more than to be home for 4 days straight. But, I also know she enjoys she structure, the socialization, the chocolate milk... and I enjoy feeling like myself again. This time though, "myself" is a mom, and being a mom is my favorite part of life. I'm happy that I can feel like a "good mom" again. I can let go now of all that bullshit that I bought into as being "important", and find that, in the end, a happy and healthy mom is a gift I can give my most loved ones.

Hi, my name is Mimi. Nice to see you again.